", 101. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ", 29. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. ", 107. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. 5 Social Issues George Carlin Made Relevant - Medium No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. And nobody seems to notice. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 (LogOut/ "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. . This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ", 64. ", 3. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. You have owners. ", 86. '", 78. After that, they don't want to know about you. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. George Carlin. At all. That's the problem. "Everyone smiles in the same language. But dont participate; it will be your death. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. We're so self-important. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. ", 94. Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Others see it half empty. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. ", 120. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Theyre not interested in that. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Simple thing. They are irrelevant. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? ", 114. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They Own You' Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. 02. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. George Carlin was right: Donald Trump is America - Salon This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. [] I look at war a little bit differently. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? ", 100. ", 57. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. That's against their interests. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. But once you're born, you're on your own. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. You don't. This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Politicians don't care about you. Theyll get it. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! Broadly speaking. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. Try spelling Evian backward. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". This cookie is set by the BlueConic. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. They own you. "Laugh often, long and loud. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Carlin is usually spot on. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. "In America, anyone can become president. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. The table has tilted, folks. ", 112. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. Never join a group that has a name. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. They own you. "Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence? (LogOut/ Join. ", 15. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". You have no choice. Believe me, my friend. ", 54. Just like homeless people. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Board Messages . Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. You know what they want? My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. "It helps to remember this.. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. After that, they don't want to know about you. "I was a loner as a child. ", 97. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. Everybody complains about politicians. You have owners. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. And they all vote. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? ", 72. ", 37. But He loves you. ", 2. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. ", 98. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. ", 9. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. I'm a cowboy who . Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ", 81. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. And nobody seems to notice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . Germany lost the Second World War. "People are fucking nuts. 2. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. "Some people see the glass half full. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture.