7. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Andy who? So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings 3. 1. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Please read here for more information. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? Damn, girl. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Boo who? If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Knock, knock How the heck did that happen? 3. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] But you cant just forget not to think. Because he walked into the wrong club! Damn, my shaft's all bent. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Besides that, I love to explore. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Sawdust City LLC. About 160 yards was his reply. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. The 19th hole. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Your second mental problem is concentration. "Golf is my profession. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? putt." Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Another Ball in the Trees. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. He was perfecting his swing. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. fodrizzle. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report 3. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Dont even putt. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. I know what to look for. Photo: Shutterstock. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Sam Snead. Mini Golf Captions. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games Always keep learning. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Basketball is a sport for black men. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. The lowest score wins. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". 700 Golf Humor | Cartoons ideas | golf humor, golf, humor - Pinterest You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Please sign up with your best email address. ~ Victor Hugo. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Whos there? clubs. Its to move on. And that thought is: Dont think. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com 2. Try choking donw on the shaft. Tahiti. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Whos there? It can be rewarding. Why do golfers hate cake? Tahiti who? Golf is like doing your taxes. It was glorious when you did! What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes It will test your patience. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. When is it too wet to play golf? What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Two rounds a day are plenty. Nay! With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. -Bob Hope Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Funny Family Poems. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. It can be difficult. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. 1. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. 5. nay I my child, and eke, oh! "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Nuts! "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. In case he gets a hole in one. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. 3 of 10. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. All of them. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. So what are you waiting for? I give the ball some sweet talk. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! 20. "Hockey is a sport for white men. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. 1. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Noah who? Learn More. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Does a bear crap in the woods? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. All the fans are gone! If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. If you drink, dont drive. What is a golfers favorite bird? Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Find the ball. Whos there? Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Why not! Their fore-fathers! "Damn, my shaft is all bent." How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. I'll let you beat me. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Golf is more complicated than that. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. All lip, no hole. Choose 2. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Do you share these funny golf jokes? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." A dinner without wine. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Are you looking for some funny jokes? 4. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Golf is the easiest game in the world. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Hi there! You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Have fun. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Spread your legs a little more. Drops him off at the golf course! Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? And it matters how we go about attaining them. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? I stepped on a rake.". 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud!